Blair Dragonball Witch Project Z
by The Great NeoDragon
Summary: The Z Team get lost in the forest and find themselves being hunted by the Blair Witch.


The Blair Dragon Ball Witch Project Z

Master Roshi stayed glued to the television set with Yamcha, Ox King, Tenshinhan, Chaozu, Puar, Piccolo and Oolong, waiting for any updates on their friends' disappearance. Suddenly, a reporter appeared on the television screen, forest scenery behind her.

"It's been, like, two weeks since the campers' disappearances." the blonde reporter said in a ditzy voice as she chewed on some gum. "Even though, like, none of them have been found, this search and rescue has, like, been declare a search for bodies." she informed as she blew a bubble.

"I pity da foos.." Piccolo said. Everyone nodded in agreement.

"I get Goku's stereo!" Yamcha exclaimed.

"I get Goten's Nintendo 64!" Tenshinhan declared.

"I get Vegeta's Barbie Collection!" Chaozu added. Everyone stared at him. "Uh, um, not like I play with Barbies or anything.."

"I don't care what none o' yo all want, I jus want Goten's walk-man fo mah new P-Diddy CD!" Piccolo informed. Suddenly, a new, brunette reporter appeared on the screen with the same forest scene behind her.

"New information just came in!" The reporter said in a booming voice. She stroked her mustache. "We found a tape made by the campers before their deaths. This tape has answered all of our questions, and this is now a homicide case. Unfortunately, we cannot show you this film due to content."

"YO MAMA!" Piccolo yelled at the screen. Everyone stared at him.

"Well, I can't steal Goku's stereo with a clear conscience without knowing what exactly killed him." Yamcha said.

"Then lets go!" Tenshinhan said. The ones who could fly flew away. The ones who couldn't fly, well, didn't.

Tenshinhan, Piccolo, Yamcha and Chaozu (the flyers) knew exactly where to go, for they had recognized the forest scene behind the reporters. Luckily, the reporters and the crews were still there, putting their equipment away. Piccolo was the first to land.

"Yo homies, we wanna see dat tape yo got!" Piccolo ordered.

"I'm sorry, sir. Only the authority can view the tape," the brunette said as she stroked her mustache. Yamcha landed next to Piccolo, who grabbed the she-man by the throat and lifted her off the ground, "Is dis enough authority fo yo?"

"Y-yes sir. H-here you go, sir!" The brunette handed the tape to the namek. He threw her effortlessly to the ground and read the label to make sure it was the correct tape. Once satisfied, he turned to face the others and nodded. Then they flew back to Master Roshi's house.

Everyone was gathered around the television set. Piccolo, Ox King, Yamcha and Oolong each held a bag of popcorn and were passing them around. Master Roshi picked up the remote and turned on the VCR...

"Hey everybody! We're finally here!" Goku said, grinning widely. Suddenly, the camera moved to Vegeta, who was carrying everyone's bags. He was scowling as usual.

"Hey, Dad! You look like a pack mule!" Trunk's voice came from behind the camera. Goten's laughter could be heard.

"Trunks son, could you do your father a favor? How about you take that camera of yours, shine it up real nice, turn that thing sideways and stick it up your ass!" Vegeta snapped. "Man, why'd I have to come to this stupid place with my stupid son and his stupid friend and his stupid friend's stupid father when I could be home with my Barbie Collection!" The camera zoomed out and it showed Goku and Goten staring at him. "..n-not like I play with my Barbies or anything!"

"Uh-huh, and I'm smart!" Goten said.

"Vegeta, we're here because Goten and Trunks have to do a project about these woods. They're supposedly haunted, and the teachers refused to take them," Goku explained patiently. "..but if Chichi asks, we went on a fishing trip. I don't want her to get upset, you know how she gets.. Actually, when I think about it, lately she's been worse. In fact, she's been kind of acting strange lately.."

"Really? So has my woman. I haven't gotten ass in over a week!" Vegeta whined. "I've had to sleep on the couch with my Barbie Collection.." Everyone on screen had a big sweat drop on his or her heads. "..n-not like I sleep with my Barbie Collection or anything.."

"Lets start setting up. By tonight we should be all set up for our project," Trunks said.

"People wanna see a project? Oh, they'll see one right now! C'mon, Kakarot!" the Saiyan Prince motioned for Goku, who came over and stood by Vegeta. As Vegeta put all of the equipment down, the camera was lowered onto a rock, and Trunks and Goten ran to their fathers' sides. Finally, the four saiyans turned around and mooned the camera...

Piccolo, who had a mouthful of popcorn, spat it all out, coughing. Yamcha and Chaozu turned away. Tien quickly forwarded past the disturbing scene.

There was a paper held up in front of the camera that said "THAT NITE", before lowering, showing all four saiyans in a camping tent.

"Ok, now we can start our project!" Trunks declared. Suddenly, there was rattling sound. Trunks smacked Goten in the arm. "Stop it, Goten! That part doesn't come til later!"

"I didn't do it!" Goten said, raising his hands to show that nothing was in them. Trunks swallowed nervously. Suddenly, more rattling could be heard.

"You mean...you're not making that noise?" Trunks asked meekly. "Dad, please tell me you're doing this as a prank..!"

"Nope," Vegeta said simply. "I don't pull pranks. I don't have a sense of humor!"

Suddenly, the tent trembled violently, and all of the saiyans screamed like girls. They stayed awake all night. . .

The next morning, the rattling stopped. Goten jumped onto his feet, eyes wide.

"That noise stopped! Lets get out of here and never come back!" Goten cried. The others got up and ran out along with Goten, Trunks holding the camera. They stopped in their tracks when they saw the horrible sight before them. The entire set was completely destroyed! Goku screamed like a little girl and jumped into Goten's arms.

"We got to get out of here!" Goku whimpered.

"Where's the map?" Vegeta asked.

"Map?" Goten dropped his father and looked around frantically. "I thought you had the map!"

"I left it outside!" Vegeta cried. "Look, there it is! It's in shreds!"

"Great! Now we're gonna die!" Goten shrieked. The camera started spinning around erratically as if it's holder was looking around frantically.

"That way! That way!" Trunk's high-pitched cry came from behind the camera.

"Are you sure?" Goku asked, picking up the tent and folding it.

"No, but do we really have a choice?" Trunks almost shrieked, "someone's out to kill us!" The camera turned away and was now pointed towards the ground. The ground was now moving up and down as if the holder was running, and the sounds of their pounding feet came from all sides. This went on for another moment, when suddenly everything went black. A few seconds later, it came back on, and it was night again. Goten, Goku and Vegeta were sitting inside the tent. Trunks could not be seen, but the camera was trembling slightly, so it would suffice to say he was probably holding it.

"It should be safe here.." Goku said nervously. "We're at least a few miles from where our camp was attacked. Maybe we lost whoever was trying to kill us.."

"Well, to be safe, I'll guard everyone's sleep," Goten offered. The others agreed, then the camera went off again.

When it came back on, it was morning. Goku and Vegeta were panicking, and the camera was shaking wildly.

"Goten's gone! He was taken and eaten by my Barbie Collection! They were jealous! JEALOUS, I tell you! I told you I shouldn't have come!" Vegeta cried. Goku stared at him. "Um..n-not like I would know or care about what my Barbie Collection thinks.."

"It's not THAT big of a deal! Goten was a brat, anyway," Goku said with a shrug. "We have a much bigger problem...THERE'S NO FOOD LEFT!"

The two elder saiyans glared daggers at the camera AKA Trunks.

"I was hungry..." Trunks mumbled. "I-I mean Dad's Barbie Collection ate it!"

"Blasphemy! We packed three steaks! The Barbies couldn't have eaten them because they're vegetarians!" Vegeta defended. Goku stared at him. "n-not like I would know what my Barbie Collection eats...b-besides, Trunks ate all our food! Now we're doomed for sure!"

"Wait! I know! Lets eat Trunks!" Goku suggested.

"WHAT?" Trunks cried.

"You're not so dumb after all, Kakerot!" Vegeta said eagerly as he rubbed his hands together and licked his lips. 

"L-Lets not and say we did!" Trunks suggested in a shaky voice. The camera trembled. Vegeta and Goku appeared to leap at the camera, grabbing Trunks and accidentally knocking the camera out of the poor boy's trembling hands. The camera shut off as it his the grassy floor.

"Po, po Trunks. I pity da foo," Piccolo said, while munching on some popcorn.

"Shush! It's not over yet!" Roshi snapped.

The camera faded back on and Vegeta and Goku were sitting around a pile of bones, rubbing their bellies.

"Boy, my son was sure tasty! He got it from me, of course," Vegeta said proudly. Goku gave him a hungry look. "Don't even think about it, Kakerot!"

"Well, we might as well go to sleep, it should be safe here." Goku said thoughtfully. Vegeta nodded and walked out of the camera's range. Then, the camera lifted and turned to show Goku setting up the tent. When finished, Vegeta shut off the camera.

When the camera turned back on, it showed Goku and Vegeta still in the tent. It was morning.

"Well, we're not dead. That's a good sign," Goku pointed out.

"Ha! Toldya we'd be safe!" Vegeta said smugly. Goku stood up and stretched, then walked out of the tent. Suddenly, there was a shrill scream. Vegeta scrambled onto his feet and ran out, grabbing the camera along the way. There were syringes everywhere! Some of them were the biggest syringes Vegeta's ever seen. Goku was bawling like a little girl.

"Needles...NEEDLES EVERYWHERE! BIG NEEDLES! SMALL NEEDLES! THIS IS A SIGN! A SIGN I TELL YOU! WE'RE GONNA DIE!" Goku wailed.

"Hold this!" Vegeta ordered, shoving the camera into Goku's arms. The camera spun from Goku's ugly face to Vegeta's uglier face. The camera trembled slightly, but managed to stay in focus. Vegeta walked around, trying to find where so many syringes could possibly come from. Suddenly, something small fell from a tree and hit Vegeta on the head. He grabbed the item and examined it closely, then let out a scream. The camera shook harder.

"W-What is it?" Goku asked. Vegeta tossed the object to him. He caught it and held it in front of the camera. "A...Barbie head?"

Suddenly, a shadowed figure slipped out from behind a tree. Neither Vegeta nor Goku could see enough of the person to make out who or what exactly it was. In it's hand it held...Vegeta's Barbie Collection! In it's other hand, it held a knife! The camera shook violently, it was just barely able to maintain focus. Before either saiyan could do anything, the form sliced, diced and made curly fries out of the Barbies. Then the form disappeared almost as quickly as it had appeared.

The camera moved back as if Goku was staggering back, then it fell to the floor and the power went out. . .

When it came back on, it was night. Goku had the camera so close to his face that all you could see was his eyes and part of his nose.

"Needles, needles everywhere! Syringes...syringes I tell you! Vegeta...and his Barbie Collection! He. Won't. Shut. Up. About. His. BARBIE. COLLECTION! Needles...Needles and Barbies, Needles and Barbies..EVERYWHERE!!! I have to get out of here before I lose my sanity!" Goku yelled into the camera. "That's all I have to say! Have a nice day!"

The camera was suddenly pulled away, as if Vegeta took it. "I finished setting the tent up...and clearing away the syringes and the ...sob Barbies...I tried to find any Barbies that were still in one piece, but...." Vegeta's voice choked into a sob as grief overwhelmed him.

"Well, at least the tent is set up," Goku said nonchalant. "It should be safe here now that the needles were cleared away." Vegeta shut off the camera.

When it came back on, Vegeta was alone in the tent. It was morning. The camera was set on a rock and Vegeta was just waking up.

"Kak...Kakerot?" Vegeta yawned and looked around. Goku was gone. He looked around a little bit more, before looking straight at the camera and grinned. "Gee, I wonder who the author's favorite is!" Vegeta got up, picked up the camera, set it on his shoulder and walked out. Through the eyes of the camera you could see the lush, outside forest. It moved a few feet forward, bouncing slightly as if it's holder was walking casually. Suddenly, the camera jolted to a stop and fell straight to the ground. There was a thud, and Vegeta's head could be seen rolling around in front of the camera.

"I..........love...................Bar.................................bie....."

Fin

Vegeta's Note: You want to know something sad? If we weren't so stupid, we could have flown out of that forest and avoided all of that altogether! Sucks, doesn't it?


End file.
